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Is this sentence grammatically correct?
Thread poster: jyuan_us
jyuan_us
jyuan_us  Identity Verified
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Thank you, Tom Feb 11, 2019

Tom in London wrote:
This is commercial copy that someone worked hard on. You may not LIKE commercial copy but that's a whole nother thing.

[Edited at 2019-02-11 11:50 GMT]


A great perspective.


 
jyuan_us
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Thanks! Feb 11, 2019

Axel Kirch wrote:

a) The product lacks X regarding elegance.
b) The product [more than] makes up for X relying on under-the-hood hardware.
c) Readers are suggested to consider themselves fortunate due to b)


A very clear analysis.


 
Jessica Noyes
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Standard phrasing Feb 11, 2019

Your paraphrasing sounded very clunky to me, so I did a Google search for "what it lacks in" + "it makes up for." It reports many examples of how this expression is used, and generally the original order used in your example is preferred. (On the first page at least, comma use is 50-50.) However, there are a couple of comments on how and why the order can be reversed.

 
jyuan_us
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I was not saying the paraphrasing was better than the original sentence Feb 11, 2019

Jessica Noyes wrote:

Your paraphrasing sounded very clunky to me, so I did a Google search for "what it lacks in" + "it makes up for." It reports many examples of how this expression is used, and generally the original order used in your example is preferred. (On the first page at least, comma use is 50-50.) However, there are a couple of comments on how and why the order can be reversed.


I used paraphrasing to better understand the structure of the original sentence.


 
jyuan_us
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What I have learned so far Feb 11, 2019

Thank you everybody for your comments.

This is what I have taken home from reading your posts:

"What the 12.5-inch Latitude 7270 lacks in elegance" as the object of "makes up for" was placed before the subject "it" in order to catch the reader's attention. By doing this, the author was trying to create some impact/effect.

By the way, a non-native speaker would have written the whole thing this way:

"Fortunately for you, what the 12.5-inch Latit
... See more
Thank you everybody for your comments.

This is what I have taken home from reading your posts:

"What the 12.5-inch Latitude 7270 lacks in elegance" as the object of "makes up for" was placed before the subject "it" in order to catch the reader's attention. By doing this, the author was trying to create some impact/effect.

By the way, a non-native speaker would have written the whole thing this way:

"Fortunately for you, what the 12.5-inch Latitude 7270 lacks in elegance has been more than made up for with its under-the-hood hardware".

[Edited at 2019-02-11 16:26 GMT]
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Richard Purdom
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horrrrible Feb 11, 2019

Grammatically correct it may be, but the sentence is rubbish IMHO. The most important information should come first, and not as compensation for some problem with what you're trying to flog.

As for 'Fortunately for you', it makes my flesh crawl. As do unnecessary 3-word compound adjectives!

I'd get rid of some words and say something like,
'The hardware the 12.5-inch Latitude 7270 boasts under its hood more than makes up for its chunky design'.

Commas
... See more
Grammatically correct it may be, but the sentence is rubbish IMHO. The most important information should come first, and not as compensation for some problem with what you're trying to flog.

As for 'Fortunately for you', it makes my flesh crawl. As do unnecessary 3-word compound adjectives!

I'd get rid of some words and say something like,
'The hardware the 12.5-inch Latitude 7270 boasts under its hood more than makes up for its chunky design'.

Commas are pretty subjective, I probably use them more than some others would.
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MollyRose
 
Alistair Gainey
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Not selling Feb 11, 2019

Richard Purdom wrote:

Grammatically correct it may be, but the sentence is rubbish IMHO. The most important information should come first, and not as compensation for some problem with what you're trying to flog.


But this is a review, not a sales pitch. The bit at the start of the sentence is there because it follows on from the bit in the previous sentence on design.


Christopher Schröder
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Christopher Schröder
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OT Feb 12, 2019

Tom in London wrote:
NO! There should not be a comma after 'elegance' !!!

Why not?


acidula
 
Tom in London
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Explained Feb 12, 2019

Chris S wrote:

Tom in London wrote:
NO! There should not be a comma after 'elegance' !!!

Why not?


It's explained in my post - which apparently you didn't finish reading.


 
Christopher Schröder
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Here we go again Feb 12, 2019

Tom in London wrote:
It's explained in my post - which apparently you didn't finish reading.

I did. Given your shouted "NO", I thought it must be some concrete rule rather than a personal stylistic preference.

There is a clear case for a comma here to help the reader, which is the purpose of commas, and I don't think it interrupts the flow at all.


Kay Denney
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acidula
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Tom in London
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Then why Feb 13, 2019

Chris S wrote:

Tom in London wrote:
It's explained in my post - which apparently you didn't finish reading.

I did. Given your shouted "NO", I thought it must be some concrete rule rather than a personal stylistic preference.

There is a clear case for a comma here to help the reader, which is the purpose of commas, and I don't think it interrupts the flow at all.


Then why did the writer of the text not put a comma there? I assume you know that commercial copy is always checked many times before it's published.


 
Christopher Schröder
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Please Feb 13, 2019

Tom in London wrote:
Then why did the writer of the text not put a comma there?

Personal preference. Publisher's style guide. Oversight. Editor's whim. Who knows?
There is no hard-and-fast rule.

I assume you know that commercial copy is always checked many times before it's published.

I assume you know that when you adopt this patronising tone it makes you look silly.


acidula
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Lincoln Hui
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Commercial copy Feb 13, 2019

Tom in London wrote:

Then why did the writer of the text not put a comma there? I assume you know that commercial copy is always checked many times before it's published.

This isn't a commercial copy.


 
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Is this sentence grammatically correct?






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