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Off topic: Completely frivolous thread
Autor wątku: Tom in London

Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
Hiszpania
Local time: 16:06
hiszpański > angielski
+ ...
Clearing the Aero Nov 3, 2020

On behalf of the others, I’d just like to say you’ve done the right thing. A problem shared is a problem halved, as my old mum used to say. But you’ve taken that difficult first step. No easy step, is it? No, it’s never easy to voice these fears. Sometimes we shun the terrible torturous truth, don’t we? We don’t want it to be true, it can’t possibly be true, and so the easiest and most comfortable way out is to tell ourselves it isn’t. And not just with Aeros, either. Of course n... See more
On behalf of the others, I’d just like to say you’ve done the right thing. A problem shared is a problem halved, as my old mum used to say. But you’ve taken that difficult first step. No easy step, is it? No, it’s never easy to voice these fears. Sometimes we shun the terrible torturous truth, don’t we? We don’t want it to be true, it can’t possibly be true, and so the easiest and most comfortable way out is to tell ourselves it isn’t. And not just with Aeros, either. Of course not. Cadbury’s Flakes, Maltesers, Mikado sticks, it could be anything, anything, simply anything at all.

First things first, though. As my old mum used to say, Whatever ye say, say nathin’. Being Spanish, it’s X times more likely, though, because he’s bound to have been brought up on a chocolatey diet since the very start, and it sets in real quick, believe me. Sprogs don't have a chance over here. Colacao foisted on them morning, noon and night, sent off with a Bollycao or two in their bag for mid-morning, Nocilla before and after basketball practice, before bed and at all bloody hours, the list is endless.

Say nothing at first, chiefly because you have to be sure of your facts. I mean, are you listening to yourself here?: “I can only assume it was him”. Only assume? Assumptions aren’t the way to go, A Burt. You could be worrying about all this for nothing. And you don’t want to make any unfounded accusations, do you? Think of the scene. Think of the nosy neighbours across the road gleefully rushing to peek through their curtains on hearing angry, raised voices. Think of the children crying behind their bedroom doors, holding each other and whimpering piteously. Think of all that expensive, heated, heart-rending, home-wrecking he said-she said at the divorce court.

After all, as my old mum used to say, half the truth is not the whole truth, so if it’s only a half-eaten bar, that might only be half the truth. Think. Has anyone else been there lately? There are literally multiple scenarios, each one much more unlikely than the next, but still. A neighbour who’s dropped in for coffee takes a few bites of her foosty one in the kitchen while you’re answering a ring at the front door, and then has to toss it into the cupboard in a panic because you come back suddenly to get your purse to pay the paperboy. Days later the plumber you left alone in the kitchen checking out the pipes cases your cupboards, finds it, and scoffs it. Him, or a suspiciously obese relative, maybe? And … I know you don’t want to hear this, but you have to consider the possibility that the kids could have found it, but kids are kids, and it won’t do them wan bit o' harm. See? It could have been anybody.

No, my advice is not to get yourself in a tizzy, and sit tight. If it is true, remember, too, how lonely and wretched your man must be feeling living that double life, sneaking around you all the time, tiptoeing about in the kitchen at three in the morning. So be gentle, don’t ask too many questions, and watch for violent mood swings.

But … you have to know, don’t you? Yes, we understand. Uncertainty is the worst feeling there is. Think of how we’re all feeling in these Corona times. So it might be better to set a little … … yes, a definitive trap. No, no, no, sorry, I used the wrong word there, not a trap. Don't think of it as a trap, no. It's a test. Even so, I know there’ll be a lump in your throat now, but as my old mum used to say, when there’s a lump in your throat, it’s usually because you know what you have to do. So yes, leave one out for him. Not in plain sight. Nothing too obvious, but where he’s definitely going to find it, and soon. Behind that box of Tetley teabags, maybe, or behind the Irn Bru. Don’t let anyone else into the kitchen meanwhile. And wait.

We’ll be here for you, whatever happens. After all, that’s what this thread’s for, innit?


[Edited at 2020-11-03 07:30 GMT]
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Matthias Brombach
Chris S
P.L.F.Persio
Angela Burt
expressisverbis
 

Matthias Brombach  Identity Verified
Niemcy
Local time: 16:06
Członek ProZ.com
od 2007

niderlandzki > niemiecki
+ ...
half-eaten Nov 3, 2020

Angela Burt wrote:

I once found a half-eaten bar in the cupboard and since it definitely wasn't me and my kids aren't yet old enoug What should I do?


Take a plaster cast from the bit position and have it investigated by your family´s dentist.


Mervyn Henderson
P.L.F.Persio
Angela Burt
expressisverbis
 

Angie Garbarino  Identity Verified
Członek ProZ.com
od 2003

francuski > włoski
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Can I suggest something to listen? Nov 3, 2020

I love these brand new releases

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apMe3FkL3ck&list=RDapMe3FkL3ck&start_radio=1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzvnEvbL-qs&list=RDapMe3FkL3ck&index=2

...
See more
I love these brand new releases

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apMe3FkL3ck&list=RDapMe3FkL3ck&start_radio=1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzvnEvbL-qs&list=RDapMe3FkL3ck&index=2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQyLEz0qy-g&list=RDapMe3FkL3ck&index=8

Enjoy!
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Mervyn Henderson
expressisverbis
 

Tom in London
Wielka Brytania
Local time: 15:06
Członek ProZ.com
od 2008

włoski > angielski
NOWY TEMAT
Your old mum was wrong. Nov 3, 2020

Mervyn Henderson wrote:

A problem shared is a problem halved, as my old mum used to say.


She was wrong. The expression is "a problem aired is a problem shared".


 

Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
Hiszpania
Local time: 16:06
hiszpański > angielski
+ ...
Thanks, Tom Nov 3, 2020

Next time I go to Ballycastle, a place you probably know and have probably been to, County Antrim man that you are, down by the sea where I scattered her ashes, I'll tell her that, Tom. I'll stand there on the black rocks in the cold wind and the driving rain, calling out forlornly towards Rathlin Island, "Mum, O Mum! How could you have got it so completely and utterly wrong, Mother?"

She may well have got that one wrong, Tom, but she also said "Never tell a problem to someone who
... See more
Next time I go to Ballycastle, a place you probably know and have probably been to, County Antrim man that you are, down by the sea where I scattered her ashes, I'll tell her that, Tom. I'll stand there on the black rocks in the cold wind and the driving rain, calling out forlornly towards Rathlin Island, "Mum, O Mum! How could you have got it so completely and utterly wrong, Mother?"

She may well have got that one wrong, Tom, but she also said "Never tell a problem to someone who won't or can't help you." You had your chance with the Aeros, but you fluffed it.
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Chris S
P.L.F.Persio
Angie Garbarino
Angela Burt
expressisverbis
Joe France
Thomas T. Frost
 

Chris S  Identity Verified
Wielka Brytania
szwedzki > angielski
+ ...
Aeronaughtics Nov 3, 2020

I fear that Mervyn’s test might trigger a chain of events that could easily spiral out of control, ending with hubbie teetering on the edge of the local multistorey bollock-naked but for a brown letter A smeared across his chest and crying “I did it all for you!”

I therefore propose a different approach. Marriage is, after all, about acceptance and sharing. (Can’t believe I said that with a straight face... but anyway, on with the story...) This could be an opportunity to br
... See more
I fear that Mervyn’s test might trigger a chain of events that could easily spiral out of control, ending with hubbie teetering on the edge of the local multistorey bollock-naked but for a brown letter A smeared across his chest and crying “I did it all for you!”

I therefore propose a different approach. Marriage is, after all, about acceptance and sharing. (Can’t believe I said that with a straight face... but anyway, on with the story...) This could be an opportunity to bring you closer together. A common passion, a shared indulgence.

Picture the scene, he comes home from work, casually lobs his bowler hat onto the hook, lays his briefcase and evening paper on the table, wondering if he could sneak in a crafty mouthful of minty Aero before supper. You call him through to your home office where he finds you suggestively unwrapping said retro chocolate abomination (you could even go full perv and opt for orange rather than mint). Don’t say a word, just hand him the multipack and... well, I won’t go any further, this being a family forum, but let’s just say you’ll want to leave the phone off the hook, make sure the kids are safely locked away in the cupboard under the stairs, and maybe get the plastic sheeting down in advance.

As my old mum always said, a fetish shared is a fetish halved. Ish.
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P.L.F.Persio
Angela Burt
Mervyn Henderson
expressisverbis
Thomas T. Frost
 

Matthias Brombach  Identity Verified
Niemcy
Local time: 16:06
Członek ProZ.com
od 2007

niderlandzki > niemiecki
+ ...
For the next time, you should have replaced it ... Nov 3, 2020

Chris S wrote:

Picture the scene, he comes home from work, casually lobs his bowler hat onto the hook, lays his briefcase and evening paper on the table, wondering if he could sneak in a crafty mouthful of minty Aero before supper.

... with (guess what comes now): a nice piece (cut to a square or rectangle) of pea sausage! Wrapped in the packaging of the Aero, or greased with the Aero (warm it up before), and the dentist will be your friend, should you be covered with private health insurance.


expressisverbis
Mervyn Henderson
Angela Burt
Chris S
P.L.F.Persio
 

Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
Hiszpania
Local time: 16:06
hiszpański > angielski
+ ...
Sick Nov 3, 2020

Boy, are you sick, Chris. But it's a fine kind of sick. A slick kind of sick. A finger-lickin' sticky kind of sick. A bit of a tongue-twister, all that, too, and with tongue-twister I think I'll stop now and get back to me blaargh, because I can see the way this is going. You're such a goader, Chris. If goader even exists.

[Edited at 2020-11-03 09:27 GMT]

[Edited at 2020-11-03 09:28 GMT]


expressisverbis
P.L.F.Persio
 

Angela Burt  Identity Verified
Wielka Brytania
Local time: 15:06
niemiecki > angielski
+ ...
Marriage counselling at its finest Nov 3, 2020

Wow, guys, thank you so much for all the advice. It makes me feel so much better just knowing there are people out there who genuinely care. This thread is really proving invaluable. I've decided to go with Mervyn's counsel to confirm beyond all doubt that it's really him before I take the approach recommended by Chris S (it's just the mess involved). After all, I haven't questioned the cat yet and the window cleaner did once insist on checking the kitchen cupboards for windows, too.

... See more
Wow, guys, thank you so much for all the advice. It makes me feel so much better just knowing there are people out there who genuinely care. This thread is really proving invaluable. I've decided to go with Mervyn's counsel to confirm beyond all doubt that it's really him before I take the approach recommended by Chris S (it's just the mess involved). After all, I haven't questioned the cat yet and the window cleaner did once insist on checking the kitchen cupboards for windows, too.

Anyway, I have the perfect place to position the bait: under the foosty cloth he uses to enshroud his jamón. That's not an innuendo. No one else is allowed anywhere near it and even the children know they would be gambling the next decade of birthdays and probably Reyes Magos too if they so much as breathed close to it so it's a foolproof plan.

I'll be sure to report the results. Whatever they may be. Thanks again.
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Matthias Brombach
Chris S
Mervyn Henderson
P.L.F.Persio
expressisverbis
 

expressisverbis
Portugalia
Local time: 15:06
Członek ProZ.com
od 2015

angielski > portugalski
+ ...
Cheer up! Nov 3, 2020

Why do I feel everyone here is a bit discouraged today?
Cheer up!!!


 

Chris S  Identity Verified
Wielka Brytania
szwedzki > angielski
+ ...
Careless talk Nov 3, 2020

Matthias Brombach wrote:
Take a plaster cast from the bit position and have it investigated by your family´s dentist.


The supreme champion of chocolates when it comes to leaving dental records was the (also mildly aerated) Wispa. Gnawing off shavings with my front teeth chipmunk-style to leave two perfectly smooth furrows is one of my fondest memories of childhood. That and having Jimmy Saville fix it for me.

Apparently that was the final straw that made George Michael leave Wham. No, not me being poked with a fat cigar, Andrew Ridgely getting careless with George’s Wispa. After all, who would want to dance again after that?


Mervyn Henderson
Angela Burt
Rachel Fell
P.L.F.Persio
expressisverbis
 

Tom in London
Wielka Brytania
Local time: 15:06
Członek ProZ.com
od 2008

włoski > angielski
NOWY TEMAT
All Nov 3, 2020

Samuel Murray wrote:

Is this an on-topic post in an on-topic thread of an off-topic subforum? Or an on-topic post in an off-topic thread of an off-topic subforum? Or perhaps an off-topic post in an off-topic thread of an off-topic subforum?]


All of those. But please stick to the topic (and be sure the topic doesn't stick to you)

513ef7ba5bf45c8b017ae881d10c612c


[Edited at 2020-11-03 11:17 GMT]


Chris S
Mervyn Henderson
Matthias Brombach
P.L.F.Persio
 

Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
Hiszpania
Local time: 16:06
hiszpański > angielski
+ ...
Ahead of dénouement Nov 3, 2020

Just a couple more unhelpful, unnecessary and unsolicited pieces of advice:

Forget about the cat. It's not going to help you out. Like Magnificat in Southwark Cathedral, everything is about The Cat, not you. All that winding itself around your leg, back-arching and purring doesn't mean what you think it means. What that means is "Remember to make sure my Whiskas are in the bowl sharpish today, woman. Remember who's in charge here. Do you seriously think I'm going to sit around here
... See more
Just a couple more unhelpful, unnecessary and unsolicited pieces of advice:

Forget about the cat. It's not going to help you out. Like Magnificat in Southwark Cathedral, everything is about The Cat, not you. All that winding itself around your leg, back-arching and purring doesn't mean what you think it means. What that means is "Remember to make sure my Whiskas are in the bowl sharpish today, woman. Remember who's in charge here. Do you seriously think I'm going to sit around here wasting my time licking my paws simply because there's no tuna to be had?"

And I get your anxiety, I really do, but the sudden overnight name change? It might help, I agree, in the long run, but it might be premature, far too early to make such a drastic move. Like I said before, it's probably all a big misunderstanding, so no need to try and rush into anonymity just yet. Still, it's done now, so that's torn it.

[Edited at 2020-11-03 11:38 GMT]
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Angela Burt
P.L.F.Persio
expressisverbis
 

Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
Hiszpania
Local time: 16:06
hiszpański > angielski
+ ...
@Exy Nov 3, 2020

They might have been down earlier, but it looks to me like nobody's being very serious now! Is all your work equipment functioning 100% again?

P.L.F.Persio
expressisverbis
 

Matthias Brombach  Identity Verified
Niemcy
Local time: 16:06
Członek ProZ.com
od 2007

niderlandzki > niemiecki
+ ...
deleted Nov 3, 2020

-- Advertising space to rent --

[Bearbeitet am 2020-11-03 11:34 GMT]


P.L.F.Persio
 
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