When I turned six, my sister was born, and it was a significant event that completely changed my whole life.

Before she was born, my inner ego inadvertently seemed to be the center of the universe. It seemed to me that everything, my mother, my nanny and our tiny cubbyhole, were there for me exclusively. I certainly did not sound those thoughts out loud, but definitely it was my perception. My Mama was all to me. I could not have imagined my life without her in it. I instinctively demanded her presence and love just as I needed air to breathe, food and sleep. And that love and care that my mother gave me, I had enough, because I did not know other. Although my mother surely loved me, at the time I was born, she was still full of her personal drama with my father and she was living her own young life. Thus, I still felt like I took only second place in her heart. But my sister had instantly won the prominent spot in my Mom’s heart, possibly due to her weak health which made everyone worry for her life. My Mom passionately fell in love with her, and she literally doted on her. Deep in my sensitive little heart I recognized what real mother’s love could be, that I was not loved the same way, and that I had to be satisfied with what was left for me. No one ever wronged or punish me. I constantly felt neglected and not wanted, and my mother could never hold me in her arms since she was handling my baby-sister. I constantly heard from people, “You are a big girl, let her have it, give it to her, move aside, get off it, etcetera.”

Anyway, I faced a lot of grief in my life, just like anybody else. I outlived my loved ones and I had to hide my precious feelings. But, I would never forget how I felt as a seven-year-old girl, and nothing hurt more than those early lessons of distress, anguish and loneliness that I felt so deeply in my heart.